Emerson's Birth Story

Just a warning, a lot of this is probably over sharing, but I don't want to forget a single aspect of any of our experience! I blog these moments for us :)

A quick overview of our experience in case you don't want to read through my novel:

Giving birth was like pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a bagel while you have the flu. unmedicated. It was hard. Painful. Uncomfortable, Miserable at times. BUT totally worth it.

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On Tuesday August 12th, Kyle and I decided to have one last (hopefully) date night before Emerson made her appearance. We were set to be induced on the following Sunday evening (lame, but our amazing midwife did everything she could to push back our induction as safely as possible) so we wanted to take full advantage of the time we had left just the two of us. We hit up Wendy's for dinner and headed over to AMC to catch Guardians of the Galaxy. As soon as we got there I ran to the restroom (like any other normal almost 41 week pregnant lady would do) and I noticed that I had lost my mucus plug! Uh, COOL! I had been looking forward to that moment for quite sometime! Not because I knew that I would be going into labor soon (because that's not a sure fire sign) but because I really wanted to see what a mucus plug looked like! Judge me. I got excited and proudly told Kyle of this latest development.

Once we get into the movie, I start having contractions. Very minimal, but still annoying and uncomfortable. I had been having random contractions off and on for weeks and assumed that this was just a case of the falsies (faksies?). They lasted the entire movie. Ugh. It was hard for me to enjoy the movie, but Kyle loved it and was completely shocked that I didn't. Men. ;) I kept saying "I think tomorrow might be the day!" to which Kyle would respond "want to take a selfie!?" (Note: this was our way of figuring out if I was far enough into labor that we could head to the hospital.)

We get home and the contractions are still steady, but really nothing to write home about. We do our normal bedtime routine and try to catch some shut eye. Several hours later I realize that attempting to sleep is completely pointless and I head to the living room to watch TV (you know, because Kyle was able to fall asleep with no problem...) Honestly, I didn't sleep a wink that night. I was SO tired, but the contractions were picking up a bit in intensity and were timeable. I did get to catch some pretty awesome infomercials (Miracle Water is a thing apparently) and I was updating my good friend Meredith through Facebook messenger. SO thankful for those distractions.

Kyle woke up at his normal time for work and I insisted that he should stay home because I KNEW we would be going to the hospital at some point since the contractions were still going 12 hours after the started, were still getting stronger, and slightly closer together. We spent the morning together getting things together and I FINALLY packed my hospital bag. I had Kyle's and Emerson's bag packed for over a month, but for some reason I kept putting mine off. We went out for breakfast and I'm so glad that we chose Kate's Kitchen to go because it ended up being the last meal I had before Emerson was born! Perfect. All through breakfast I was having contractions and I'm sure the tables around us thought we were crazy. Our waitress was brave enough to ask when the big day was - normally my response would be "supposedly last week" or "any time" but that morning I was able to proclaim "today!" She was very surprised and excited for us. I mean, seriously. who wouldn't be excited by that!?

We spent some time at home chilling out on the couch and enjoying our time together. Eventually (like 5pm) the contractions were intense enough that I needed to get in the bath tub, and let me tell you, that was the GREATEST IDEA EVER!! I would pour water over my stomach as the contractions were 'waving' and it was so helpful! I think I stayed in there for several hours and I would yell out to Kyle every time I had a contraction so he could time them. It was a great system. I'm sure I wasted a million gallons of water (sorry mother nature!) but that was hands down the best way for me to labor. Eventually I hopped out of there and Kyle and I got ready for bed. Kyle had been gracious enough to run to Target for a heating pad (hoping that it would sooth my contractions enough to get some shut eye). I still was contracting but they weren't close enough together to head to the hospital, BUT good golly they were getting intense. Around 930 they started getting REALLY intense and were about 5 minutes apart. Still, not close enough to head out.

At 1030 in the middle of a strong contraction, I felt a pop and a gush of water. I legitimately felt the pop - pretty cool! I yell at Kyle to get me towels (sorry babes) immediately as I'm gushing water all over our bed. Whoops! At this point the contractions are coming every 3-4 minutes and lasting about a minute each. It was definitely time to head to the hospital!! (insert random thoughts of "are we really ready to have a baby!?" No joke. Which is hilarious because obviously we had already made our bed and we were having a baby!)

So we grab our stuff, let the dogs out one last time, and walk out the door! Surprisingly enough I was super calm on the way to the hospital. It was around 1120 and I knew that the next day would be my daughters birthday. YES! We we also relieved that we wouldn't be having her on August 13th (thank goodness there wouldn't be any Friday the 13th birthdays!). So we get there and head up to labor and delivery. As soon as the nurse starts asking me questions (name, birthday, physician, etc) I start crying. Totally embarrassing. I'm assuming it was hormones and the fact that I knew I would meet Emerson in less than 24 hours, but it didn't help. Completely overwhelming. Thank goodness Kyle was able to answer those questions for me!

We get to the triage room and we get all set up. The most annoying part of this process was setting up the monitors for my contractions and Em's heartbeat. My belly was too round for the monitors to stay in place. They both kept slipping (which would only increase with annoyance later on) so they had to be adjusted every 20 minutes (or less).

The resident came in and said that he wanted to make sure that my water had actually broken. I insisted that it had, but he said he still needed to check. Once he got all up in my business, he was taking out the instruments and there's another gush of fluid that completely soaks his scrubs. Hilarious? YES. I wasn't a fan. Especially since he told me that my water actually hadn't broken because the tests he ran on the fluid came back as negative for amniotic fluid. So frustrating. I KNOW that my water broke - there's no mistaking that, but he insisted. At this point they were debating whether or not to keep me because I was only dilated to a 1. A ONE! Seriously!? I had been checked two days before and was at a one, and I had been having intense contractions for 31 hours and made NO progress. Totally depressing. Kyle had mentioned after the fact that if they had sent us home, we wouldn't have had any idea when to come back because my contractions were so close together. When we left the house I hadn't even considered the idea that they would send us home. I was oh so clearly in labor! Surely I would be dilated to where I needed to be to get the show on the road!

Our nurse (who was amazing) called the on call doctor from our office and she said that I could be monitored for an hour to see if I made any progress. At this point I was extremely discouraged because I had been having contractions for an entire day without progress- you really think that in an hour I'm going to magically dilate and make progress? Yeah okay. Well, turns out I was wrong because in that hour, I did dilate to a 2! We were then admitted! This completely went against what Kyle and I had originally wanted - if I was dilated at a 4 or less, we wanted to go home and labor at home - just kidding. There was no way I was going home after that. Thankfully they kept us. Our nurse wanted a urine sample and (again sorry, TMI) part of my mucus plug was chilling out in my sample. I thought it was hilarious. Please remember I'm going on NO sleep at this point so everything was over-exacerbated.

We got set up in our labor/delivery room and settle in. I was still leaking fluid and insisted on a towel even though they tried to convince me that the sheet I was on would absorb the extra fluid. No. I'm not sitting in that grossness (which is obviously amniotic fluid to me). Our nurse comes in to check on me a few times and is changing out my towel and says "I'll be right back" while carrying my towel to the bathroom. She brings in another nurse who confirms her suspension - it's amniotic fluid (duh) that has meconium in it. Really common with babies that are overdue, so it wasn't too worrisome, but it meant that once Emerson was born, she would be going with the NICU nurses, and not directly to me for skin to skin. Sad day. It wasn't something I was too happy about, but I understood the medical necessity. Again, not something that was in our plan, but thankfully we were flexible enough to realize that things were bound to happen. Kind of like having major contractions for 31 hours and only being dilated to a 2.

 I labor in the room for another 5 hours before I notice how exhausted I really am. 36 hours of non stop contractions on zero sleep. It was brought up that if I was that exhausted now, I wouldn't have any energy to push later. I was so disappointed, but I knew that it was true. There was no way I would be able to push her out being that tired. So we start talking options.

Our amazing nurse (Sara) says that we can do IV drugs or an epidural. Neither of these were something Kyle and I were interested in, but again, at this point it was necessary. We voted for the epidural because we were told that we could turn the medicine off when I was dilated more (after I had slept) for the natural birth I had my heart set on. From what I had heard, it can take a while for the anesthesiologists to get to the room once you request an epidural - but for us it took all of 5 minutes. Oh, okay. I could have used that extra time to accept my decision. I didn't have any issues with getting the epidural in and I had three glorious hours of sleep. Kyle also took full advantage of the couch and napped as well.

After those amazing three hours, I wake up feeling a fairly strong contraction. One of the many downsides to getting an epidural is that you can't get up and you can't lay on your back - so you get to flip from side to side (more about this later). Not fun when the medication isn't working and you're having contractions. Since this was after the shift change, we had new nurses - one old school nurse who had been doing this for 20+ years, and a student. Just our luck! So we call them in and tell them that the medication isn't working and I can feel my contractions. She tells me to push the medication again and wait 15 minutes for it to kick in. We wait - and nothing. So we call them back in. The nurse determines that it's worth going ahead and calling the anethesiologist (yep, she was the one who 'deemed it necessary' and not the fact that I was super uncomfortable.) My dad also showed up at this point so it was nice to chat away with him while we were waiting.

Our anesthesiologist comes in and administers a bolus of lidocaine, which means that she directly injected the medication in my system instead of going through the pump. As soon as she does it I instantly get light headed and nauseous. When I told her this she seemed concerned, but not enough to worry me. From what my dad told me she tried to aspirate as much of the medication out of the IV as possible. Of course this is happening while I'm in the middle of a contraction and she asks me to sit up. I told her that I couldn't (because let's be real, when you're in the middle of a contraction, you can't really focus on anything BESIDES that contraction.) She said "this is an emergency, I need you to sit up" and throws (yep, throws) me up in the bed. Thankfully Kyle was right by my side and was able to hold me in up bed while she ripped (yes, ripped) out my catheter. Ouch. That didn't feel good (because remember, I can feel EVERYTHING my body is doing.) Fun.

The catheter had shifted into a blood vessel so the medication was going directly into my blood stream (not good) so that explained why I could feel everything and why my body had a bad reaction to the lidocaine bolus. WHO KNEW!? At this point I really wish I would have said "no more. I'm done." and waited my 2 hours so I could have labored how I wanted. Unfortunately every piece of common sense I had went out the window. As educated as I was about the birth process I definitely went into "don't care" mode and wanted this kid out. I was tired and so thirsty (they wouldn't let me have any water, only ice chips.) I had Kyle sneaking me water whenever the nurses weren't around. I was so SUPER dehydrated and was starting to get a fever. I remember looking at my foley bag and thinking "I've never seen pee that dark before..." It was kind of scary to me.

My midwife Lee came in to check on me (and can I just say how much I love this woman!?) She let me know that she (Emerson) would definitely be going to the NICU once she was delivered and that it looked like I was getting an infection. I certainly felt like I had an infection. It felt like I was getting the flu. I had the chills, but I was hot, I was thirsty (but they still wouldn't let me drink anything), and just overall yucky feeling. Not fun. So they put me on antibiotics. Between all of the fluids, pitocin, and antibiotics they had me on I think we were up to 13 bags on my IV rack. Impressive,.

Also keep in mind that my stomach was NOT cooperating (damn you Popeyes) and the nurses had to come in and readjust the monitors every 20 minutes. No joke. It was awful. So anytime I was even remotely close to getting comfortable (good labor joke?) they would come in and I would have to be really still (again HELL when you're feeling 100% of your contractions) so they could find Emerson's heartbeat.

I was reacting poorly to the pitocin and to the infection and so was Emerson. They came in every hour or so to check my temperature (which kept climbing) and adjust the monitors on Emerson. They also had my pulse ox monitor on the entire time, as well as a blood pressure cuff. Hell.  My blood pressure kept dropping (as did Emersons) and my heart rate was skyrocketing (as was Emersons). Apparently this was all because of the infection of the amniotic cavity I had and I graciously passed it along to Em. Scary. Granted, if you're going to get an infection during labor, this is a cool one to get (I say this now, a month after her birth because we're both happy and healthy. I was not feeling this way at the time).

The anesthesiologist (and two other medical professionals) came in and administered my second epidural. They ran the test push of meds and sent me on my way to dream land. Hallelujah. Just kidding. That lasted all of 30 minutes before I woke up with full blown (pitocin) contractions. Ouch. Horrible. Mostly because I'm confined to my side and there's nothing I can do to make them tolerable (i.e. walk, lean on Kyle, shower, etc.) Kyle is trying to talk me off my ledge when he notices that the pump is off. They never turned the medicine back on after my 'emergency' situation. Whoops. Not that it mattered anyway because the medication never worked. Kyle got the nurses in back in who paged the anesthesiologist who came in to program the pump.

After another hour of no relief and misery of being on my side, we page the nurses to see what our options are. She asked me if I had pushed the medication button and that I needed to wait another 15 minutes, I hate this lady. After waiting the anesthesiologist comes back in to give me a bolus of medication and says that clearly the epidural isn't working and that I can have her paged as soon as I feel the medication wearing off and she'll come in and directly administer it to me. Awesome. If only my nurse was on board! She just kept telling me to push the button (that didn't work) and to wait. We were not on good terms. It was funny because every time I switched sides they kept saying "you're really not supposed to be able to move your legs like that... Can you feel them?" Yes crazies! Have you not been listening to me for the past 10 hours!? I CAN FEEL EVERYTHING and I CAN'T MOVE TO A COMFORTABLE POSITION!!"

They go ahead and check me and I'm dilated to an 8. Not bad, but I'm about over this whole labor thing, and I'm feeling worse and worse because of the infection. So someone brings up the genius idea of the peanut. If you have never heard of said peanut before, it's like a giant yoga ball in the shape of a peanut. You put it between your knees and it's supposed to open up your pelvis. TOTALLY great if you have a working epidural. This beast works wonders. For me however, I wanted to murder it. It was awful. Hated every second of it and quickly realized that it was the worst idea ever and I was done.

The next few hours are pretty blurry for me. I remember lots of "you really can feel your legs? Did you push the button? How can you move them like that?" from the nurses  and "THIS REALLY HURTS" coming from me. :) I definitely cried too. Lots. Feeling every contraction on your side and having to be in a specific position for the monitors makes for a horrible labor experience. The worst part of the epidural was definitely the foley catheter. Oh good gracious that was worse than the contractions because the tube was so big. I think after 2 hours of me constantly complaining about how much the catheter hurt they finally decided to take it out (and leave it out). THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS! Best feeling ever. I remember thinking that if "one more person tells me that I'm not supposed to feel this catheter I'm seriously going to lose my (metaphorical) shit on them." So there's that. Towards the end I became way less than pleasant. I'm sure I wasn't the worst woman in labor ever, but they were certainly earning those paychecks that night.

Around 515ish my midwife came in to check me. I was dilated to a 10 and completely effaced (FINALLY!) It was time to push! Again, I was so worn out from not sleeping and from my body trying to kick this wicked infection that I was completely out of it. At some point during all of the flipping, Emerson had turned around (not breech, but the back labor inducing position) so they had my push on my side. I thought it was the coolest thing - I had never really heard of pushing in the position that I was in. The older nurse kept talking about Emerson being in the wrong position and that she knew exactly how to get her to move and someone actually said to her "well Lee is here and she's the one in charge." BOOM! SHUT DOWN! I remember Lee being ON the bed with me for a while and when they switched me to being on my back, they had me hold up my legs while I pushed. Bad idea. Too tired. No thank you.

They brought up the stirrups (again, something that I didn't want originally, but I was super thankful for when the time came) and the real work began. Holy. Moly. Pushing out a baby really hurts. Kyle, the student nurse, and Lee were amazing. I couldn't have done it without them. Kyle was up by my head and was helping me to put my chin to my chest while pushing (for some reason it did not feel natural for me). Couldn't have done it without him (and my chin certainly would not have been to my chest without him. Thanks babes!

They also brought up the handle bars for me to hold onto while I was pushing to help me bear down. I didn't realize how much upper body strength I would need to push. Geez. I ended up pushing for an hour and 40ish minutes (which is a REALLY long time to push) but it felt like maybe 15 minutes to me. I remember Lee trying to encourage me to push as many times as I could manage for as long as I could during a contraction. That is hard work!

Through all of this I was having SEVERE upper back pain. The older nurse kept telling me it was back labor but couldn't comprehend that I was saying it wasn't in my lower back, but my upper back and I was confident that it was from being on my side for the 19 hours I had been in active labor. Crickets. It was like they didn't believe that my upper back could possibly be hurting and I must be confused.

As I was pushing Lee said that it was a REALLY tight fit (like any baby being squeezed out of a vagina isn't a tight fit) and that I was in for some hard work. Like I had a choice! She was coming out one way or another!

Kyle whispered to me and asked if we were still going to be able to do delayed cord clamping (which was super important to us) but we weren't able to because of the condition she was in. She was too sick and needed to be assessed immediately after birth. We were really disappointed.

I remember Kyle saying that he could see her head and Lee asked if I wanted to feel it. Nope. I was in the zone. From the second I started pushing to the almost 2 hours until she was delivered I didn't open my eyes once. When I started pushing there was only a handful of people in the room. Kyle said that as soon as her head was delivered about 10 more people showed up. I wouldn't know. I was too busy screaming.

Once I pushed her out Lee said "look at all of that dark hair!! She has so much hair! and she's BIG! You have a big baby! She's at least 8 pounds!" I remember trying to look up and seeing Emerson being handed off to the NICU nurses to be checked out. I looked up at Kyle and told him to go look at her and to take pictures because I wanted to see her. I was still flat on my back and they were trying to stop all of the bleeding plus getting some stitches (which I could feel). Thankfully I only had a 2nd degree tear - certainly could have been much worse!

I remember everyone telling me that the stomach massage to stop the bleeding and delivering of the placenta was the worst part of having a baby. I'm not sure what type of experience they had, but it was super easy for me! I think it was because I was overdue and my placenta had already started to deteriorate. Again TMI, but seeing the placenta was also something I was super excited about!! It looked just as I expected. I can't believe that THAT was what kept Emerson alive and healthy for all of those months! It's amazing what our bodies are capable of.

Once Emerson was dried and checked out by the NICU nurses and docs, they brought her over to me for some skin to skin time. As soon as they put her on my chest I was completely in love. My only complaint was that I was having so much upper back pain, I couldn't even hold my head up to look at her. So she was laying on my chest and I couldn't see her. Solution? Have Kyle take pictures and show me (as I'm holding her). We did get some skin to skin time and then Kyle got to hold her, but we weren't able to attempt to nurse because she needed antibiotics immediately, so I sent Kyle to go hang out in the NICU with her while I was getting cleaned up.

Overall our birth experience didn't go anywhere close to how we wanted. In some (most) aspects I'm happy that I didn't end up writing a birth plan. I feel like if I would have written everything down that I wanted I wouldn't have been as accepting and understanding to all of the complications (and boy did we have several of them) that came up. I would have been all "but that's not in the birth plan! That's not what we wanted!" which wouldn't have benefited anyone.

I am so thankful that our midwife was the one to deliver Emerson. She came over to the hospital after she finished her day at her practice and stayed late to be with me. I so humbled and honored that she took the time away from her family to be there for me and my family when she wasn't the one on call - completely beyond the call of duty on her part. If it would have been anyone but her, I would have ended up having a c-section. No question. She was to tight of a fit for anyone else to attempt a vaginal birth. #midwifeFTW

It's funny to me to have a room full of people during delivery to all of a sudden being alone in there. With Kyle with Emerson in the NICU, I was left to my own devices. I remember being SO hungry and the nurse bringing me a sandwich dinner. Noms. I even turned on HGTV for some company while I ate. I begged my nurse (it was after shift change so my original morning nurse was back (thank goodness!) to let me get up and go to the bathroom before my two hour window was up. Once we got all situated they set me up in my mom and baby room and the wait for miss Emerson Kate to be given back to us commenced!