Never. Again.

We're in the beginning stages of completely revamping our house. Total overhaul. We have a list of priorities with a general timeline (which I find annoying - I want it all done, like, tomorrow) and slowly but surely we're getting there. This past weekend we painted the master bedroom and we've been working on finding someone to install new carpet or refinish our hardwood floors (not as easy as it sounds.) We were told that we needed to have the carpet taken out and the floors cleaned when this company came out to look them to give us an estimate. Sure. No problem. The only thing that could be a slight issue is Kyle has joined 10 million sports teams and is never (may be a slight exaggeration) home. Mmkay. Well, I thought I would be a super awesome girlfriend and have it done one Sunday evening while he went to flag football. YES!!

No.

There are three things I realized I would never be while I was ripping out this carpet:

1. An alligator wrestler. (I couldn't handle this beast that wasn't trying to snap me in two or take me for a death roll [I actually think that's what crocodiles do? But add that to the list. I will never be a crocodile wrestler] so clearly this life dream went down the drain.)

2. A murderer who wraps people in carpets to dispose of them.

3. Patient. (We probably already knew that.) 

I feel like I was pretty realistic about my strength in realizing that I would not be able to fully lift this carpet up once I had rolled it into this perfectly even and beautiful roll - but I thought I would at least be able to push it comfortably out into the hall, down the stairs, and into the garage. 

No.

Apparently not. 

It's not that I'm afraid of hard work. I thrive on working out when I don't realize that I'm working out. SIGN ME UP! But this.... this was not fun. It was hot. I was sweaty. The carpet was itchy. It was heavy. It was a clear wake up call that I am a weak, pathetic, hot mess who would never be able to surprise her boyfriend with any type of home improvement gesture.

Cool.

So I finally was able to pull up the carpet up. Then I was able to get the padding up. Phew. Next step? Roll them up. I thought I would kill two birds with one stone and roll them up together. Oh. Apparently it doesn't work like that. Okay. Moving forward. Should I have rolled up the carpet BEFORE I started pulling up the padding? Probably. Hindsight is 20/20. Live and learn my friends. I put the padding back into it's original location (which again, was annoying) and focused what little energy I had on rolling up this A-Hole carpet. 

I really thought this would roll up nicely - you know, like they look at the hardware store. OR even like in those carpet commercials where they come in and roll out this giant sheet of carpet and VIOLA! Perfection. Add that to the list of something I will never be. 

Now that it's "rolled' up, I can't get it out the door. At this point I was begging Kyle to come home early and finish this for me. No such luck. 

I ended up folding it in half (you're going to wish there was someone videotaping this because I'm sure it was hilarious) and start pulling it down the hallway. So, let's make a long story short and I'll tell you that this idea did not work. Okay. Let's push it. Awesome! Boom, we have movement.

Let's back track for a second. Kyle and I still have those old couches hanging out in our dinning room (because I'm certainly not strong carry them to the basement [and certainly not down any steps]) and he said that if I really wanted them out of the dinning room (I do) then all we need to do was gently slide them down the stairs. 

Enter present time. I have this genius idea. I'll "gently" slide the carpet down the stairs.

Ha. I'm confident that God laughed as soon as this idea crossed my mind.

Cool.

So there I am - pushing this folded up carpet down my hallway towards the open door down the stairs. The moment comes and I give it a shove... Whoops. It unfolded and hit the light at the top of the stairs. And is stuck. Can't pull it. Can't push it. It reminded me of that children's song - "Can't go over it, can't go under it, you'll have to go through it." Okay.

So I did. 

Kyle likes this picture. I think it's weird. 

I survived the ride down AND I managed to not break the light. I'll take that as a small victory. Leggings as pants - the latest trend in our household. I only mention this 122 times a day because I never thought I would see the day that I did this (and I wasn't pregnant.) Guess we all surprise ourselves sometimes (like my love for leggings, and my weakness for moving carpet.) 

Please note that these stairs will also be replaced. Someday. Apparently home renovations cost money? Who knew. For now, I'm only responsible for the top half of our house. Our 1950's house ROCKS that orange carpet and paneling. 

I safely (kindof?) wrangled the carpet into the garage and headed upstairs. The padding was easier to get up (and roll up) since it was already broken down into sections and was less entertaining/eventful moving downstairs. That's of course when I realize that there are staples EVERYWHERE in this wood floor. WHAT THE WHAT carpet installers!? WAS that SERIOUSLY NECESSARY!? Of course they respond (in my head) YEP! As was when the previous owners GLUED down the carpet to the gorgeous hardwood prior to this. I didn't thing you would mind. Mmkay. I hate you all.

This is now turning into much more work that I had intended. I'm ready to take a shower, snuggle on the couch with the best blanket in the world with a cup of tea and watch Pretty Little Liars. Yep. That's what I do to relax. Judge me. I really like that show (SERIOUSLY EZRA!?!?!?!! Just kidding. I still love you. But really. I do. Ask anyone. Even Kyle. He's accepted it and even teases me about it.) But no. Not for me on this Sunday evening. I had the genius idea of surprising Kyle. Way to go. After this I'm never doing anything nice again. And I hate myself for trying.

Now I have about 10 millions (could be a slight exaggeration) staples to remove from this floor. Do I have a staple remover? Uh, yes. But these staples are like, industrial grade (I hate everyone) and isn't the proper tool for this kind of work. Will a hammer work? Nope. Pliers? OH YES! I have those. I open up the tool box (I have enough tools that require the use of a box to keep them in one centralized location!! Success!) and find these gorgeous little ladies. I have zero idea what they are, or what their intended use is, but they saved my life!!

I know they are ladies because they get work done. Like a Boss.

I then spend the next 2 hours removing staples. What an exciting life I lead. I made up for it by watching Stalked (it's this awesome show that has stories of people who are [you guessed it] stalked. It has officially turned me into THAT person who is convinced that everyone is out to get them. Don't even think about driving down my street twice in one fiscal year - I'll be convinced that you're after me. Or my dog.)

So that's my super awesome adventure with trying to surprise Ky with this generous gift. He walks in the door, says "So I see you took out the carpet. Nice work! Thanks babes!" And that made it all worth it.

Totally a piece of cake. 

Side note: I haven't finished pulling out staples yet. That was two weeks ago.  Ain't nobody got time for that. And no one will sand our floors!! HELP!!

Side note II: I uploaded these through Picasa (whatever that is) and they tried to auto "enhance" my phone pictures. It looked even worse than my originals!! Maybe there is some hope out there for me after all ;) 

Ky has all of the 'before' pictures of our master bedroom on his phone, but I'm sure we'll do a big reveal (on the blog - I mean, I guess you guys can come over and drink champagne with us and admire our awesome handy work - while pointing out that I completely forgot to paint one wall, or that the nightstands I picked out are exactly the same as the ones in the living room because I'm completely predictable when it comes to that stuff) when everything is all put together.